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image Hi cyber stalkers. I’m Sparty and I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics attend meetings.

I’m definitely getting older. Pushing that late, late thirties age. The “thinking” has already begun. The deeper life thinking shit. It starts with the quick fleeting thoughts. You remember this or that from then and now. You start applying the this or that to now and later. This isn’t some BS pre-mid-life crisis, if you were thinking that suck it. It’s more of a point of “wow” like recognition thing. You start remembering and applying those life lessons accumulated to avoid making the same stupid mistakes. The definition of “stupid”,  as in if you break your nose twice the same way then you are, in fact, stupid. It’s a good thing to start this sort of reflecting on life thing. Makes you think about all the dumb shit you did as a younger person. Like that one time, taking that last shot of whiskey that you really didn’t need before leaving the party only to end the night hours later by waking up face down on someone’s front lawn to sprinklers going off (on you) and that person, who’s yard you violated for hours most likely, standing in their driveway ready to leave for work staring at you with that….”what the fuck are you doing to my yard?” look.  Sigh. The apocalypse is nigh I’m afraid.

If I'd written down all the things I’ve experienced for the past 20 years, I figure roughly 327 people - including me - would be in some prison cell some/any where from Madrid to Los Angeles. For many reasons really, some worthy, some flat out ridiculous. The scariest part is the absolute truth within it. Facing that reality is a quite rare and dangerous commodity in the context of the personal psyche. It’s stupid and arrogant to recall and recognize these “life experiences” if it’s only to get a laugh. It’s only admitting stupidity if it’s to acknowledge some sort of lesson from it. Like – I know now that I really did NOT need to take that last shot of whiskey at that party. If I didn’t I probably wouldn’t have gotten lost walking home. I probably wouldn’t have face planted in some nice family’s yard. I probably wouldn’t have shit my pants. For each effect, there was a cause. Throughout history, whiskey has played a significant role in helping define lessons.

image One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is: “If you're going to be crazy, you absolutely have to get paid for ‘it’ or else you're going to be locked up by somebody somewhere for something. So really push it, always live on the edge... but know that there is no honest way to explain what the edge is because the only people who really know where the edge ‘is’ are the ones who have gone over the fucking thing.” …….great effing lesson, but too long to make a bumper sticker out of it….[then sell it for millions and retire early. Spend it out everyday with the vacations, sleeping late, staying out late, full blown rock star shit]. I’m not looking for the edge; I trust it’ll find me.

In a closed off society where everybody tends to be guilty to some degree, the actual crime is getting caught. In the end we live in a world full of the used car salesmen type of people, the karma thieves, the only true sin that’s committed is gross stupidity. Someone needs to throw the stupid people over the edge.

That’s that way it is, guess that’s the way it’s gonna be. Oh well. You better take care of me Lord, if you don't, you're gonna have me on your hands.


Chris Risner